Day by Day with Gina

More Goodbyes

This past Saturday, a close family friend, Craig Cooper, died suddenly and without warning. He was in his early thirties, happily married, with a six-year old son left behind. The nature of this situation is nothing short of heartbreaking.

And I'll be honest...I'm heartbroken.
I am heartbroken for Charleston, who thank God will have vivid memories of his father, but will sorely miss him for the rest of his life. I am heartbroken for Melissa, his loving and lively wife, who is suddenly missing the love of her life. I am heartbroken for their family, and I am heartbroken for my brother, who lost a dear and rare kind of friend.

Those of you who have been well-acquainted with my life over the past year know that I have lost three close people within four months. Other sudden, unexpected, and seemingly unfair deaths have happened, all too often, over the last several years. I am heartbroken over losing them, and when I grieve for Craig, I am greiving for all of those I miss so deeply.

Most of all, though, I am heartbroken over the realization that all relationships, ultimately, end in loss. Whether by time, distance, or death, all relationships will eventually end in this fallen world. I am also heartbroken to notice that most people, my age especially, have no idea the reality of this risk. Each time we enter into a relationship, risk is automatically present. We risk our emotions, our safety, our ideas, our futures, and we especially risk the possibility of devastating loss.

Is it worth the risk? you might ask. Is it truly worth it to befriend a person, spend time to get to know them, and know that someday, that relationship will die? I have asked myself this question a thousand times, even in the middle of funerals, burials, and grieving, and my heart, though in pieces, answers a deep and resounding yes.

It was worth it to know Craig and his desire to live life and savor it with his friends and family.
It was worth it to know Eddie, a passionate pursuer of the living God who gave it all to serve the One he loved.
It was worth it to know Larry, whose relationship with the Father was contagiously radical.
It was worth it to know Brad, who sought to please the Lord in every step and decision.
It was worth it to know Jessica, and her precious, quiet spirit that loved Jesus with all of her being.

It seemed all of these people left us before it was time, but somehow, God knew it was the right time. I don't understand it, and I don't like it, but I have to choose to believe that God is still present in the midst of this. Theology doesn't provide any comforting answers in these circumstances, but God's grace and love are faithful to catch me where my own faith fails. Rich Mullins lyrics keep coming to my head, "If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through [not around!]. If I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You." The other song I keep thinking of is simply, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak, but HE is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me." Seems so simple, I know that's what you're thinking, but His love is the only force that keeps me from giving up on life after all of this loss.

I know that many of you understand exactly where I am coming from. You have experienced deep, piercing loss and grief...and you understand. Some of you, my fellow young adults especially, don't know from experience, but someday you will. And when that day comes, you'll know that I understand deeply, where no words can express.

But let me share with you the simple, yet vital lesson I have learned.

I am so thankful to have known Craig, Eddie, Larry, Brad, and Jessica for the time that God gave me with them. Somehow, the loss makes my memories and friendships more treasured.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to treasure each other in light of the fact that one day, sooner or later, we will lose each other. This makes our times together all the more precious, and it should be treated that way. We need to savor our time with each other. I get to know God better when I am with His children. A part of those I love becomes a part of me. Maybe that's why it hurts so much when they leave; a part of us dies, too.

And, after such times of loss, death, and grief, one sweet day, He will dry every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more goodbyes. Thank you, sweet Jesus, for giving us hope in your death and resurrection.

posted by Gina @ 7:17 PM